How to Manage a Sweet and fortunate Marriage

Script for Division D speech contest, By Ivan Chiang, 2006/3/27

Toast master, ladies and gentlemen, before I deliver my speech I want to ask you a question. What kind of interpersonal relation in your life is most important? Please think over this question for five second. O.K. My answer is: "The most important and last longest relation is with your spouse. It can last over 50 years."

How will you manage this most important affair in your life? That is my topic today. I will give some advice here. But you may ask me: "Are you qualified to give any advice?" I must mention that among my colleagues and friends, my wife and I are famous as model couple. And I have had some experience to be consulted about the marriage problem. So I belief my advice should be useful and helpful.

My discussion will be departed to two parts: before marry and after marry. Before you get married you should know: "To choose a right person promises 50% success." How to choose your Mr. Right? I will present three main points below:

First, you must choose a good man but not an attractive man. Did you ever hear such words?
"Even thought my friends and relatives have bad comments on him, but I still believe he love me truly." Or "He has had many girl friends before, but he swell to me that I am the last and the only one." Do you believe it? Let me tell you: Love is blind, but marriage must be rational. Observe this man carefully about how he deals with other people, like his parent, his friends and weak fellows. You can find out if he is a reliable person or not.

Second "Personality suitable for each other is important." People's personality could be much different. Man can be romantic or realistic, generous or stingy, open-minded or reserved. I can't say that a romantic lady married to a realistic gentleman could have a happy marriage. Just image when the romantic wife cry for a touching love movie in the theater, the realistic husband still complain that to rent a VCD to watch at home will be cheaper.

Third "Only true love can make up the gap of education, wealth and social position between two families."

Will Cinderala be happy forever after she got married to the prince? I think it will depend on the attitude of Cinderala herself, prince and prince's family. Cinderala must have strong confidence on herself and prince. Otherwise the marriage could hardly be fortunate.

Following I will discuss how to manage the marriage after getting married. It will be much easier than to choose a right person. It needs not so much intelligence and insight, but a little more patience and understanding.

I will give three guidelines and four tips.

The first guideline is: "To respect your spouse's individuality". Most of people make a mistake that the closer relationship they have, the less respect they show to each other. People always ignore their spouse's individuality and regard them as their accessories. The first tip is a Chinese proverb: "The wife and husband shall respect each other like a quest".

The second guideline I must emphasize the importance of communication. Another common mistake people make is that they think families don't need to communicate. This is a terrible false. Communication is the best way to improve your love and understanding. And the second tip is: a hug and a kiss is another way of communication and the best way.

The last guideline is: "Family is not a place for rationality but a place for love". Every husband and wife will dispute, but never try to win the debate by rational argument, you must win by love. Here is the third tip: In a dispute, one who apologizes first is the winner and the fourth tip: Never say any words when you are angry or you shall regret after you calm down.

Remember that the most important and last longest relation in your life is with your spouse. Whether you can or not manage a successful marriage will determine your life being successful or not. You need to pay much attention to it. Wish all of you have a sweet and fortunate marriage. Ladies and gentlemen, toast master of the evening.